


i can see the stars again (we've got no one but each other)

by AndHerFlowers



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Gen, Sad, don't know anything basically is the general tone, don't know how long this will be, i don't have this planned so i'll add relationship and character tags as i go, idk very sad, major character death but only because THEY ALL FREAKING DIE THANKS RICK
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29218173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndHerFlowers/pseuds/AndHerFlowers
Summary: a collection of female-characters-centric drabbles in the pjo verse. canon compliant. a mess.
Relationships: Bianca di Angelo & Nico di Angelo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	i can see the stars again (we've got no one but each other)

She's been putting herself second her entire life.

She loves her brother, she really does. She knows none of this is his fault, knows he’s just a kid.

Sometimes, she wonders what that’s like, to get to be young and naïve and not carry so much weight around on your back. She’s only twelve – she shouldn’t be asking herself those questions.

But what choice does she have?

She loves her mother, too. _Loved_ her mother. And she tries very hard not to resent her for the choices she made. _She was in love. She was desperate. She was tired of doing everything on her own._

Bianca knows the feeling.

But truly, it’s not her mother’s fault they’ve always been running, and she can’t complain about that time, either. It’s only now, when she has some time to think, that she’s connecting the dots, realizing the pain and the confusion and the abandonment could have been avoided if only her mother wouldn’t have chosen the god of the dead.

But it's not her fault. Bianca refuses to taint the memory of her like that.

She won’t blame her mother for falling in love with Hades.

(Hades, on the other hand. She can blame _him_ , at least a little.)

Regardless of whose fault it is, it hurts. It hurts and it’s difficult and _lonely_. Most of all, she’s lonely. And she feels guilty for it, because she has Nico, who is trying his best, although that isn’t much help, when all she wants to do is cry and call for their mother, but knows nobody will answer. Nobody will answer her ever again.

She’s only twelve, but she tries like she’s much older.

She’s twelve already, but she cries like she’s much younger.

She’s not selfish for accepting the offer.

(She tells herself that over and over again. _She’s not selfish_. Again, and again, and again.)

It’s what’s best for both of them – Nico getting friends and guidance and a childhood, her … Her finally being able to pass the reins to somebody else, to let her guard down and know there are people standing behind her, to feel safe and loved and _not alone not alone not lonely_.

The hurt in his face breaks her, but she doesn’t let it pull her back. And yes, maybe she’s a little angry, too, angry at him – how can he not see how much she’s given up, how much she’s suffered, how can he not see she’s only two years older than him and she can’t carry the weight anymore, not by herself? How can he not see that she needs to _breathe_?

In that moment, she allows herself to be angry about all the things that couldn’t be changed, but were so unfair, regardless. She’s angry about her mother’s death and about her father’s actions and about her life as a whole. It feels hypocritical and then she’s angry at herself, too, for not doing better. _She could have tried harder, she could have been kinder to him, she shouldn’t be betraying him after all of this. She’s only ruining him. That’s all she’s ever done. Ruin._

That’s what she’s thinking about, staring up at the giant; how perhaps, she can finally fix something. How perhaps, his life will be easier without all the betrayal.

She doesn’t know better. She’s only twelve.


End file.
